I’ve been MIA for, well, about 10 months now. The simple reason for that is I’ve been busy having a baby. The more complicated reason is for the first half my of pregnancy I was terrified of losing the baby and the second half I was horribly tired ALL THE TIME. Plus let’s be real it took me 17 months to get pregnant so I’m fully aware of the struggle.
No one wants to hear about all my crappy pregnancy symptoms (and I had most of them). The vast majority of people stumbling across my blog are kindred spirits that went through Hell and back to get their precious babies or are still awaiting them. It’s weird though how you lose sight of things like that sometimes. I bet almost weekly in my pregnancy did I have to stop myself from complaining and remind myself that this is exactly what I wanted, what I had yearned for, for such a long time. So I refrained from blogging about my pregnancy because I didn’t want anyone to think for a second I wasn’t incredibly grateful for my baby.
But all my joy was not without heartbreak…
When I last wrote I was coming off of my first round of Clomid in 8 months and was completely devasted when I did not get pregnant. After all, the first time I took Clomid I got pregnant right away, sadly, that pregnancy was ectopic and was pretty much over as soon as it began. I really thought that we might never become parents but I had 3 shots, 3 months to give this another try before we continued forward with becoming foster parents and hopefully, one day, adopting a child from the foster care system.
Much to my surprise my daily pregnancy test showed a very , very light positive on the 10th day after ovulation. I was pretty surprised when I got such an early positive and was actually chiding myself for wasting a pregnancy test when the double line showed up. I called my OB and they set up blood tests (BETAs) every few days until I was far enough along for an ultrasound to see if the pregnancy was progressing normally. I was relieved when the tests came back normal but was still scared for my ultrasound. At 5 weeks I went in and saw two little black blobs on the screen. It was twins.
Despite everything we had been through we were over the moon about not one but two babies and began to plan our lives as parents of multiples. Our lives shattered a little when we went in for our 8 week dating ultrasound and Twin B, my baby Theodore, had a nice strong heartbeat but Twin A was struggling. There was heartbeat but it was weak and the embryo was clearly not as developed. Two weeks later we went in for a follow up and Twin A has miscarried.
Perhaps it was all for the best, maybe Theodore would not have faired as well if it had been a twin pregnancy but losing a baby is never easy. However, it is with much happiness in my heart that I’m crossing off #1 on my bucket list today: Have a baby.