What’s been happening lately…

Our little Teddy is 15 months already.  He’s smart, rambunctious, funny, sweet, and so incredibly exhausting!  Not in the wake you up in the middle of the night kind of exhausting, more like never stops running around or climbing things he shouldn’t.  Two days ago we were sitting on the couch and looked over and he’s sitting on our kitchen table playing with his toys I had picked up and set there earlier.

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It’s hard to be mad at that cute face!  And yes, I do actually have that much junk on my table!

Other than Teddy life has been pretty “meh” lately.  We’ve put a few offers in on houses lately but didn’t get them, even the one we offered $7,000 over asking.  We were so sure it was going to be ours and started making all these plans to remodel it.  But I guess everything happens for a reason.

Two weeks ago we took off the whole week to get our house ready to put on the market.  We spent most of Monday working hard on cleaning until late afternoon when my husband started to receive a bunch of texts from people he worked with.  His company announced 600 layoffs that day.  And we hear that there may be another round coming up.  So we’ve backed off the house hunting but it’s really got us both bummed out.  We thought we’d have a house with a yard by late summer for Teddy and the dogs to play in and we’re really sad that we won’t have that.

One Year Old

My little boy turned one last Friday.  It’s so incredible how much children change in the first year.  When we brought him home he was so tiny and helpless and now he’s a fully formed little human with his own thoughts and personality.

He’s so bubbly and happy and sweet and luckily for mom and dad he’s sleeping better through the night as of late.  We transitioned him from formula to whole milk this week and he seems to be doing great with it so we’re pretty happy not to have to buy any more formula.  We’ve been working on transitioning from the bottle to a sippy cup for the last couple of months.  He regularly drinks water out of the cup but takes his milk from a bottle still.  He loves to suck out water and then spit it back out on his shirt, which I hear is pretty common at this age.  Hopefully in the next month or so we can totally kick the bottle.

Last Saturday was his birthday party, it was a “Wild One” themed party based around the book “Where The Wild Things Are.”  His paternal grandma made him a little Funfetti smash cake and a double layer birthday cake.  His maternal grandma and great-grandma came up on his birthday and took us out to lunch and then helped me get ready for the party.  I was really happy that everyone was able to come except my husband’s grandma who wasn’t feeling well enough to come from Indiana.

We bought him a tricycle with a little name plate and a bell.  He loves to ring the bell while we push him around on it.  He also got tons of new toys from our family and a surprisingly good start to a savings account.  I hope we can teach him to be responsible with money and to save for the things he wants, and also help him save for college so that he doesn’t graduate in as much debt as we did.

Theodore has been walking around holding onto furniture and people for about 2 months now and in the last few weeks has been venturing out to taking a few free standing steps.  But right around the time of his birthday he truly became a full fledged walker.  If he can find something to pull himself up on he walks and it doing a really good job with balance.  I feel like a geek but it’s so exciting to see him walk from the front door to the kitchen.

We truly love his boy more than we ever thought possible.  Happy 1st Birthday Theodore!

 

 

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My Goals #20: Buy A House (Progress at Last!)

I realize it’s been a long time since I’ve written but fall has been incredibly hard for me.  At the end of August we lost our pregnancy which was devastating.  We decided to shelve any potential plans for baby #2.  At the beginning of October we lost my grandpa, who I was very close to, which has made the holidays very difficult.  Barely more than a week after we buried him, my youngest’s brother’s long-term girlfriend passed away at the age of 26.  So to say my family had a rough fall season is an understatement and to be honest I really didn’t have anything positive or uplifting to say for while there.  But that has changed!

About 4 years ago when we first got married, my husband and I put his town-house style condo on the market but the market was terrible and we never sold.  Now that the market has rebounded we’ve decided it’s time to try this again!

Yesterday we met with a relator and looked at a nice sized home about 20 minutes from where we live now.  While that house looked promising, it’s not quite the dream house we thought it would be so we’re continuing to look but we’re so excited to get this going!  Our goal is to put our home on the market in 2 weeks after Theodore’s 1st birthday party.

We’re probably biting off a little more than we can chew with a 2 week goal because with a baby and 2 dogs our house is a disaster!  Plus we have to finish planning and buying things for Theodore’s party.  At least my mom and grandma are coming up a day early to help me set up and prepare the food and my mother in law has done a lot helping with decorations.

Life Lately

A week after my miscarriage I decided to write about the experience.  At the time I felt like I needed to put all my thoughts and feelings out there to fully process it all.  And then my dog stepped on the keyboard and erased half of it.

So it happened.  It’s over.  It makes me extra terrified to ever get pregnant again and I’m still too emotionally exhausted to rewrite it.

Meanwhile the weather here has finally decided to act like it’s fall so I’m enjoying doing fall stuff with my hubs and baby.  Kiddo enjoyed the apple orchard two weeks ago, football with daddy last weekend, a family photo shoot tomorrow and hopefully soon we’ll go pick out our pumpkins.

What a Rollercoaster Ride!

Between last Thursday and this Monday my beta hcg results only went up one point. As I geared up for a miscarriage, a nurse from my clinic called and asked me to come in for an ultrasound on Tuesday. They knew there was a good chance of not being able to see anything because the general rule is the ultrasound won’t detect a pregnancy with a hcg of less than 1500-2000 and I was just over 500. 

So Tuesday I show up expecting to not see anything at all or possibily an empty sac. But no. There was a little baby measuring 6 weeks 1 day and a teeny tiny flicker. Much to my surprise there is a baby, it is ALIVE and it had a very strong heartbeat at 127bpm. 

I still have a lot of risk factors for miscarriage: the low hormone levels are concerning, the baby had a very tiny sac, and the sac was low in the uterus. But for the time being I was told to precede like its a viable pregnancy and time will tell. 

I’ll have a repeat ultrasound in a week and if the baby is still looking good then they’ll consider the abnormally rising hormones a fluke. 

Hurry Up And Wait

Right now I’m pretty much just in this holding pattern.  My HCG levels continue to go up but just barely.  It’s very evident this is not a viable pregnancy and they keep saying the miscarriage will happen eventually but I want eventually to be now.

With my first pregnancy I was offered a D&C when it became obvious the pregnancy wasn’t viable.  As it turned out it was a very good choice to go that route since they didn’t realize the pregnancy was ectopic until they went in and didn’t find what they expected to in my uterus.

But with this miscarriage I’m just waiting.  Waiting for the terrible pain to signify another ectopic.  Waiting for my HCG levels to go down so the doctors will take some action.  Waiting for the awful weeks of bleeding to begin.

I’m trying to focus on the one tiny bit of silver lining in all this: that we weren’t planning this pregnancy.  We weren’t trying.  No medications, no timing sex, no ovulation predictor tests etc.  So maybe someday, if I’m crazy enough to want to try this again, we hopefully won’t have to worry about my uterus being broken anymore.

Rough Day

Given that my first pregnancy was ectopic and my second was a twin pregnancy where one of the twins miscarried, I have been very cautious. After my positive pregnancy test I called my doctor and asked for beta hcgs which is a quantitative pregnancy test. The

My first test was Friday afternoon and was 356 which was lower than what they would expect given the date of my last period. I wasn’t that concerned because the date was an approximation and whenever I ovulated on Clomid it was really late, like CD22-CD24. So I could easily be a week or more off from “normal.”

What is concerning is that my follow up beta from Sunday morning was only 407. A healthy pregnancy typically doubles every 48-72 hours but mine only raised 14%. I have a repeat to take either Thursday or Friday but it’s not looking like a viable pregnancy.

My miracle pregnancy is no miracle after all. More heartbreak. You’d think I’d get used to it by now but no. It’s devestating every time. Now I’m just praying for a normal miscarriage and not another ectopic. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my other Fallopian tube.

In the immortal words of Britney Spears…

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Pretty much since the minute Theodore stepped into his daycare at 12 weeks, our house has been in a constant state of sickness.  After several days of taking cold medicine and waiting for AF to show up I started thinking back.  Hasn’t it been awhile since I’ve had my period?

Husband thinks no.  It wasn’t that long ago.  So a few more days go by and I start to feel some back pain which I normally do the day before AF shows up.  But the next day, nothing happens. Continue reading

Life May Never Be The Same

One night when I was about seven months pregnant I was driving home from work listening to some sad country song about cancer and started contemplating mortality.  By the time I got home I was bawling.  I started thinking about what if my grandpa, who means the world to me, doesn’t get to meet my baby?

His health has been declining for years.  He has a tumor on his spine and it has really limited his mobility and quality of life.  I just had the worst feeling that I wouldn’t have all too much longer with him.  Luckily he has gotten to spend some time with Theodore.  Not nearly as much as I’d like since we live two hours away but it was a huge relief that they got to meet and that I have pictures of them together.

Theodore might not remember him when he gets older but I know I will talk about him and to have pictures of them together is something I will cherish forever.  Grandpa’s health has never really got better but it hadn’t really been getting worse either so I hadn’t thought about it much these last few months.

Then this Monday afternoon I got a text from my mom during the middle of the day saying “Call me when you get a chance.”  Seemingly innocent enough but I knew something was wrong.  My mom is a workaholic so the chances of her texting me in the middle of the day just so talk are slim to none.

My grandpa, one of my very favorite people in the world, was taken to the hospital Sunday.  After spending most of the day in the hospital with dangerously low blood pressure they decided exploratory surgery would be necessary if he had any chance of making it.  As it turned out part of his colon had died which made him incredibly sick.  They removed the dead portion and gave him a colostomy.  But because his blood pressure was so low his kidneys stopped functioning, requiring him to have daily dialysis.  He may also have liver and brain damage.

So the three of us went to visit him in the hospital on Tuesday but he was on a ventilator and heavily sedated.  I did get to say hi to him really quickly when they lightened the sedation for a small period of time but I don’t know if he really understood me or even if he knew who was speaking to him.

The chances of him ever coming home now seem very small.  Hopefully he will make it out of the hospital and into an assisted living facility but I don’t see him ever coming home to my grandma.  Thinking about life without my grandpa is a horrible thing but I can’t image being my grandma, possibly facing the loss of her love of 60 years.  At the very least their lives will be drastically different from here on out.  I love them both so much and my world would be so different without them.