Thinking Positive

A few weeks ago my husband and I were laying in bed, talking before we went to sleep.  I told him I really wanted this month to be our last month TTC.  If it was unsuccessful, I didn’t want to take my last month of Clomid.

Clomid is so hard on me both physically and mentally.  Physically I feel bloated and very sore before ovulation when I use Clomid and the actual ovulation pain itself is pretty much unbearable.  I also get very irritable which is something that can be difficult on my marriage.

Honestly, I thought my husband would be relieved.  He never really seemed that excited about having a second baby.  But he was visibly disappointed.  It turns out he just didn’t want to get his hopes up about having another child.  We were so incredibly lucky to finally have our son and we both felt that we should be grateful and happy that we were able to have one child.  Asking for a second almost seems like pushing our luck.

A few weeks ago I took a cheapie pregnancy test at 11dpo and it was negative.  I figured it would really be positive by then if I was pregnant but I’ve become somewhat of a “pee on a stick addict” throughout this infertility journey and tested again the next day.  After 5+ minutes there was a line so faint I was pretty sure it was an evap line.  So I took 3 more.  I told you I’m an addict!  All had the same line so I thought it’s probably a bad batch of tests.  I asked my husband to bring home a First Response test and he convinced me to wait until the next day to test first thing in the morning when hormone levels are supposed to be higher.  Sure enough it was positive!

Since I was tracking my ovulation I thought I had a pretty accurate idea of how far along I am.  This pregnancy so far has been far different than my pregnancy with my son.  I feel more tired but way less sick.  Overall, I’m actually feeling really good.  I have a little bit of the early pregnancy symptoms (constipation, exhaustion, very sore nipples) but I’ve mostly been feeling so normal it’s nerve-wracking.  I keep thinking if this is a healthy baby I should be sicker!  But every pregnancy is different I guess, or so they tell me!

My blood sugar has also been much easier to control in this pregnancy so far than my previous successful pregnancy.  My last pregnancy I was seen by a maternal fetal specialist.  I feel like I was given great care during my pregnancy but I was on the low end of their high risk scale but they basically had one protocol for everyone so sometimes it seemed a little excessive.  Especially weekly ultrasounds for my last 8 weeks.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved having a peek at my baby but all the time I took off for appointments was less time I had with him when he was born.

This pregnancy I think I am going to use a regular OB.  There was a bit of a miscommunication with the doctor’s office though.  They said they tried to call to schedule an ultrasound and my phone was disconnected (it definitely wasn’t) and the second time I didn’t answer (entirely possible but they should have left a message).  So when I went in for my appointment at what I was guessing to be 8w1d or 8w2d they decided to just do an ultrasound in the office.  We found out baby wasn’t quite as far along as we thought and was only 7w3d but the midwife was convinced that everything with the baby looked good and the dates were just off.

She also told me my uterus was “super tilted” and she had a hard time finding the baby at first.  I was practically in tears by the time she found it because I was convinced it was ectopic and that’s why she couldn’t find it.  I am now 8 weeks today and feeling a little more confident as I actually feel pregnant and haven’t had any cramping or bleeding.  Obviously it’s still early in the pregnancy but we are optimistic about this little one.




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