For the last several years all I could think about was becoming a mom. I made all these plans for what my child will and won’t be like, how we will parent, etc. But now that baby is here I’m finding it very difficult to live up to my own high expectations. I was against pacifiers. I swore my baby wouldn’t swing to sleep. I would never, ever drive my baby around to get him to fall asleep, etc.
My sleepy baby that used to only cry when he was hungry has been crying [what feels like] all the time. Despite the fact that I was unable to breastfeed no one seems to have told that to Theodore and the cluster feeding is becoming difficult now that my husband is back at work. When there were two of us it was annoying but manageable when he wanted to drink an ounce or so an hour instead of 4 or 5 ounces every few hours.
At this point I’m for any short cut I can find to reduce the crying. So yeah, he spends too much time in his swing. At least we’re getting use out of all this expensive baby gear! I don’t do enough tummy time because he spits up so much that he usually throws up all over his face, which if that doesn’t incite crying I don’t know what would. I expected to spend every free moment of my maternity leave cuddling my little one but the last week or so he’s preferred the swing to my arms. On one hand that makes me want to cry, but there is this whole other part of me that just wants to grab the nearest blanket, curl up, and grab 15 minutes of sleep when I can get it. I’ve been so tired the last few days I haven’t even done his two month photos yet.
I feel like such a failure.