Week 9: Complete Exhaustion

For the last several years all I could think about was becoming a mom.  I made all these plans for what my child will and won’t be like, how we will parent, etc.  But now that baby is here I’m finding it very difficult to live up to my own high expectations.  I was against pacifiers.  I swore my baby wouldn’t swing to sleep.  I would never, ever drive my baby around to get him to fall asleep, etc.

My sleepy baby that used to only cry when he was hungry has been crying [what feels like] all the time.  Despite the fact that I was unable to breastfeed no one seems to have told that to Theodore and the cluster feeding is becoming difficult now that my husband is back at work.  When there were two of us it was annoying but manageable when he wanted to drink an ounce or so an hour instead of 4 or 5 ounces every few hours.

At this point I’m for any short cut I can find to reduce the crying.  So yeah, he spends too much time in his swing.  At least we’re getting use out of all this expensive baby gear!  I don’t do enough tummy time because he spits up so much that he usually throws up all over his face, which if that doesn’t incite crying I don’t know what would.  I expected to spend every free moment of my maternity leave cuddling my little one but the last week or so he’s preferred the swing to my arms.  On one hand that makes me want to cry, but there is this whole other part of me that just wants to grab the nearest blanket, curl up, and grab 15 minutes of sleep when I can get it.  I’ve been so tired the last few days I haven’t even done his two month photos yet.

I feel like such a failure.

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3 thoughts on “Week 9: Complete Exhaustion

  1. lauracharlie1988 says:

    You are not a failure Hun. You’re doing amazingly. This shit is incredibly hard and dammit no one tells you that. It’s ok to use the swing. It’s ok to use a pacifier. It’s ok to do exactly what you need to do.
    There are some days I don’t even get dressed because she is being so needy, and that’s ok. We don’t do tummy time. Never have. She hates it.
    We’re only a few weeks ahead f you and believe me it does get better. Really, it does.
    You’re adapting. Nothing wrong with that. You’re doing a great job, mama. Please don’t beat yourself up.

  2. cashewsfitz says:

    Keep your chin up! A baby is a lot of work. A fussy baby is a crazy lot of work. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Youve got this!!! Keep your chin up. Ask for help and keep those who support you super close! You’re doing great!

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