A few weeks ago my husband and I were just snuggling into bed when he said the words I can imagine any woman with infertility issues fears. He looked at our son and said “I love this little guy so much. I feel like we’re a family now.” A sweet sentiment, no doubt, but my stomach dropped to my feet.
Maybe it wasn’t his exact words so much as what he implied…that we weren’t a family before we had a child. He’s made other comments in the past couple of months that made me think if we hadn’t gotten our rainbow baby I wouldn’t have been enough for him.
I always feared that I would never get pregnant and that we would never become parents. I worried that he’d be better off finding a woman that could give him the children he wanted and that he’d wake up one day and realize this. For a minute his words seemed like a confirmation of what I’d been afraid of the last 2 years.
I sat there quietly for a minute while I gathered my thoughts and all I could think to say was “I’ve always considered us a family.” Of course within about 3 seconds he agreed with me and backpedaled a bit because he could tell I was hurt. I understand what he means, that our son has enriched our lives so much and brought us closer as a couple and thus as a family, but there is this part of me that just sees red when someone either implies or directly states you’re not a family without a child.
Families come in all sizes. I love my son with all my heart and now that he’s here it’s hard for me to imagine going through my life without being a mom but I definitely don’t feel like he made us a family. The vows we made to each other on December 12, 2012 made us a family. Without those we just be people with a kid.