infertility, Marriage

Families Come in All Sizes

A few weeks ago my husband and I were just snuggling into bed when he said the words I can imagine any woman with infertility issues fears.  He looked at our son and said “I love this little guy so much.  I feel like we’re a family now.”  A sweet sentiment, no doubt, but my stomach dropped to my feet.

Maybe it wasn’t his exact words so much as what he implied…that we weren’t a family before we had a child.  He’s made other comments in the past couple of months that made me think if we hadn’t gotten our rainbow baby I wouldn’t have been enough for him.

I always feared that I would never get pregnant and that we would never become parents. I worried that he’d be better off finding a woman that could give him the children he wanted and that he’d wake up one day and realize this.  For a minute his words seemed like a confirmation of what I’d been afraid of the last 2 years.

I sat there quietly for a minute while I gathered my thoughts and all I could think to say was “I’ve always considered us a family.”  Of course within about 3 seconds he agreed with me and backpedaled a bit because he could tell I was hurt.  I understand what he means, that our son has enriched our lives so much and brought us closer as a couple and thus as a family, but there is this part of me that just sees red when someone either implies or directly states you’re not a family without a child.

Families come in all sizes.  I love my son with all my heart and now that he’s here it’s hard for me to imagine going through my life without being a mom but I definitely don’t feel like he made us a family.  The vows we made to each other on December 12, 2012 made us a family.  Without those we just be people with a kid.


3 thoughts on “Families Come in All Sizes”

  1. I cried my way through this one. I know my husband feels the same way. I’m just so glad that your already family is a now bigger with your little one.

    1. Thank you, but to be honest, my husband is a pretty good man. He would be disappointed without children for sure but he would’ve managed without I believe. It was very hard for me knowing how much I wanted a child to know that he probably could easily have children with someone else. Just remember your husband chose you for a reason 🙂

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