Five months ago, my husband and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary which marked the beginning of us trying to conceive. At that point I was excited, hopeful, and optimistic about our family’s future. But after five months of trying and no pregnancy it is hard to be anything but frustrated.
Sometimes frustration seems like too mild of a word to express what I feel about the whole conception process. I try to rationalize something that has no rationalization. Fertility has nothing to do with your station in life, even though many of us work hard to put ourselves in the optimum position in life. I wanted to graduate from college, travel a bit, start my career, get married, buy a house and then have a baby.
In between all that real life has kicked in. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and had to work much harder than the average person to get myself in a position where I am healthy enough to have a baby. Which I am very proud to say I did. Months of watching what I eat, taking prenatal vitamins and extra folic acid, consulting my primary care physician and a specialist, etc. Everything leading up to the big moment when both life and the doctors gave me the green light to start trying. And then nothing. Well nothing but hurt, anger, and frustration.
The worst part is feeling like everything is just so far out of my control. Like I can’t make any plans because I don’t know if I ‘ll be pregnant or not. I have about a million things I could be paying down or paying off with the money I’ve saved for a baby but there is always the chance that this month will be the month. I feel like I am going out of my mind.
I’d be happy to hear from anyone else that has/had experience with conception frustration and how you are/have dealt with it.