#41- Be married to the same person for 50 years

It’s probably a little disturbing that I think contemplating divorce is a totally natural occurrence.  In fact, my husband of 15 months sometimes gets upset about my divorce “plans.”  Not that I actually do have such plans but I’ve seen so many acrimonious divorces I am convinced I need to circumvent that somehow.  My way of doing it is probably unconventional.  I say things like “if we get divorced we need to be on the same page, our kids can’t have cell phones until they are old enough to pay for them themselves.”  Not only do I not have plans to get divorced, I also have no children as of yet.

I’ve often wondered what it is exactly that makes me think this way.  Maybe it’s because the national divorce rate hovers around 50%.  I often find myself looking at another couple and wondering if it will be “them” or “us” that makes it.  Maybe it’s because my mom is the only one of seven children that has not been divorced.  Or because Disney movies give children an unrealistic expectation of what marriage should be.  I mean really?!  Happily Ever After?  Shouldn’t our children know that relationships require work, sacrifices, or at the very least at little bit of maintenance?

Or maybe the real reason is I’m a quitter.  I gave up playing the flute in fourth grade.  I gave up playing the viola in fifth grade.  Around junior high I completely forgot my love of writing.  My freshman year of high school I had nearly a 4.0 because I was convinced I wanted to go to an ivy league college–that lasted just the one year.  I must have changed my mind about 5 times on what major I wanted to have in college and ended up just picking the thing I could finish the soonest (Psychology, you can guess how well that worked out for me).  I’ve bought books to study for the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test) and began studying on several occasions but soon gave up and have never register to take the test so I guess I’ve given up on the idea of attending law school as well.

Every time some little piece of adversity comes my way I feel like quitting and occasionally that carries over to my marriage.  The difference being that now that I’m 29 years old I can look back and I am disappointed with myself that I never carried through with those plans.  I refuse to let the same thing happen with my marriage.  I married an amazing man.  No matter how awesome I consider myself I am not disillusioned enough to believe I’m an easy person to love.  He stands by me when I’m cranky (often), sick (he spent the whole day Sunday cleaning up vomit and bringing me glasses of water while I had food poisoning) and lazy (I’ve gotten up for the middle of the night puppy potty break only twice in the almost month we’ve had our new puppy).  And for all of this I am adding #41 to my bucket list: Be married to the same person for 50 years.

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4 thoughts on “#41- Be married to the same person for 50 years

  1. Chris Desatoff says:

    Amanda, my wife started dropping the D-bomb on me in our first year of marriage, and I have never once felt secure in our relationship (which I kinda thought was the whole reason for getting married). That feeling of insecurity has caused me/us more hardship in our marriage than I can even begin to describe.

    Yet we’ve somehow lasted 16 years, and I hope we can make it to 17. Good luck to you guys! If you never give up on each other, you’ll make it =)

    • ourmaybebaby says:

      Thanks for the insight Chris. I think my husband felt similarly and it took me awhile to catch on that it made him feel insecure in the marriage. Luckily we were able to articulate our feelings to one another (not always an easy task) and I haven’t said anything like that in awhile. Congrats on 16 years of marriage!

  2. theatypicalwife says:

    I have only been married for two weeks, but I was actually frightened of the permanence of my decision. I think that is rare these days, as most people believe that marriage is easily ended. I hate that people take marriage and divorce for granted, because it means that we all have a good reason to give up–its easier than fighting to maintain the relationship. Why is life so full of shortcuts these days? Does anyone ever just do anything the hard way? I am willing to bet that fighting for a marriage is the road less travelled today, so kudos to you for committing to that. I have committed to it as well. Good luck!

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